Let’s face it, if you’re in a position of leadership, there are times when your staff (or your peers, or your boss) will do or say stupid things that will drive you nuts, enough that their actions may cause you to get angry enough to explode. Don’t. Your expression of anger says more about you than it does about them. When you get visibly angry, what you’re really saying, whether you mean to or not, is “I feel like I have lost control, so I have lost control.” What you’re really doing is saying that you feel helpless. Which often is the exact message that you don’t want to communicate.
Instead, improve your success as a leader by learning how to manage your anger. Here’s an approach that I’ve used for many years.First, buy yourself some time by counting to ten in your mind, or by doing mental math. Then, consciously and deliberately ask yourself some questions:
- How important is my relationship with this person?
- Is this situation similar to an experience from my past?
- What is at risk in this situation?
The answers to these questions will help you formulate how best to address the frustrating circumstances.
Now having said this, I am well aware that it’s sometimes easier said than done. It takes presence of mind to fall back to thoughtful anger management in the heat of the moment. But I can tell you (from personal experience) that the more I try to remember this, the better I get at controlling my anger. I am an ongoing work in progress 🙂 !
So … I’m curious to hear your perspectives. What approach do you take to managing anger? Something similar to mine? Or do you think it’s just better to just let it all out in an angry outburst. Please share your experiences by commenting below.
Merge’s leadership development consultancy has one singular focus – to turn managers into leaders; to help great people become exceptional leaders so that they can turn their people power into real and tangible results. Through her speaking, training, consulting, mentoring and facilitation services, Merge helps leaders in organizations create high-performing workplaces.
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