How to know when feedback matters: spotting valid and important feedback

The ability to accept feedback is an essential skill to your continued professional and personal success. Yet criticism is often difficult to take. If you’ve ever struggled with listening, evaluating and acting on someone else’s observations and opinions, then try this approach.

Ask yourself two questions – “Is the criticism valid?” and “Is the person who is giving me feedback important to my career or personal life, or is the feedback itself important to my ongoing success?” The responses to these two questions can be visualized in a 2 × 2 grid, with four possible results. The possible options are:

1. valid and important feedback
2. valid and not important
3. not valid and important
4. not valid and not important

And which of the four you end up with should determine what action you take next.

The only scenario you should act on is the first one – valid and important feedback. For the remaining three, offer a non-committal response and move on. I repeat: unless the criticism you receive falls into the first category of valid and important feedback, don’t agonize over it and carry it around for the rest of the day. Let it go! Here are some examples to show you what I mean.

If the cashier at the coffee shop points out that your shoes don’t match your suit, the criticism (and the source) is clearly not important. And certainly, with your great sense of style, you know the feedback is not valid.

If your boss tells you that your shoes don’t match your suit, now the source becomes important, even though the criticism may still not be valid.

And if a colleague points out that you mispronounced a word? While the feedback may be valid, you know that it is not important to your ongoing success.

In each of these three above scenarios, offer a non-committal response such as “I can see why you might think that way,” or “Thanks for letting me know,” or “I appreciate the feedback.” Then move on!

If on the other hand, the boss notes an incorrect calculation in a report that you prepare for senior management, then this criticism is both valid and important. This is the only one you should act on. This is the only one that requires a change in your behaviour or actions.

So how do you decide what feedback deserves your time and attention? Have you ever struggled to separate the noise from the insights? I’d love to hear your experiences with recognizing valid and important feedback and letting the rest roll off your shoulders.  Share your thoughts in the Comments below so we can all learn from one another.