In our professional and personal lives, there are a myriad of situations when we don’t get what we want – either the person we are dealing with, for whatever reason, doesn’t give us what we want, or we get unexpected bad news. A common response is to react, usually by lashing out at the messenger. A close friend of mine explains it by saying “Well, I get it off my chest, and then I feel better.” But is it better to react or to respond? Often, responding thoughtfully may be a better alternative that reacting in the moment.
This situation reminds me of the paradox of ice cream. Many people eat ice cream to cool them off on a hot summer day. Ironically though, ice cream is not a cooler. Oh, it may fleetingly cool your taste buds, and its psychological effect may convince you that you’re cooling off! But ice cream is chock-a-block with calories, a basic unit of measurement of heat. So the ultimate effect of that frosty ice cream cone is to make you warmer, not cooler!
To react or to respond?
Much like the scenario I just described about the person who cannot (or will not) give you what you want. Giving this person a piece of your mind may make you feel better; it may fleetingly cool you off and its psychological effect may convince you that you are better off. Ultimately however, the effect of those hasty words is to heat up the situation, and ironically worsen it. The next time you are inclined to “get if off your chest”, remember the paradox of ice cream, and hold back your impulsive words.
Does what I’m saying make sense? Or is the immediate effect of the “ice cream” worth it? I’d love to hear what you think. Please add your comment below.
Merge’s leadership development consultancy has one singular focus – to turn managers into leaders; to help great people become exceptional leaders so that they can turn their people power into real and tangible results. Through her speaking, training, consulting, mentoring and facilitation services, Merge helps leaders in organizations create high-performing workplaces.
Leave a Reply